A year in a glimpse

It has been a year and 4 months since i've been in london. Am leaving on a jet plane in just a few days time. Leaving london was a sad thing for me. I'd fallen in love with this place besides of its hectic and busy lifestyle. I've met a few nice people and good friends along the way. There's a lot that i wanna update about my life here but i just couldnt bear haters and anonymous. Hahaha...emo sgt! Bukan ape, kang update kang ada pulak mulut-mulut longkang cakap 'untung laa boleh g oversea' x pon 'ni g belajar ke g jalan' so i've decided to keep all the memories and my travel journal on a hard copy instead rather than blog. (macam lah ado org baco blog ekau...)

Oh London, im gonna miss you real much. I wish i can return back here for a couple of years again. (ada hati nk smbung belajar kt tmpt mahal ni lagi kannnn....) Papepon, i love london!

When you believe.

Believe in yourself.

You can do this.

Because you worth it.

Penyesalan

Before I came here, I made a promise to myself and was determined to do the best fro my masters. But things did not come according to my plan and I was like 'hanyut' and suddenly I woke up and found that time had pass by so quickly. Many things left unsettled and unsolved. Right now I totally put the blame on me and cursing myself for not using the time wisely. I only had a few time left and I had to work it out within this limited and constraint time (sound stressful, aite?).

Ya Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani, permudahkanlah jalan hamba-Mu ini. Sesungguhnya hamba-Mu ini sudah banyak terleka dan hanyut dengan bisikan syaitan yang sentiasa cemburukan anak Adam. How I wish I can turn back time and do things differently. If Allah wills. Ameen.

100 days to go

Helloo!! I know, i know. I haven't update my blog for a month. Haha, nk kata bz xdak la bz sgt. Ok, it's just 100 days to go for the Olympic games in London. And..also for my dissertation submission. Apparently, it's the same day as the opening ceremony of the Olympic games. Whoah, lepas abes je antar dissertation kita layan tgk olympic smpai pengsan k.

So here's the milestones to the end of my study.
1) April- submit PBL 9 & 10, outline dissertation, clinical attachment (how?)
2) May-siapkan PBL 7 & 8 (and find out more about something....ngeh ngeh)
3) June- exam module 7,8,9,10 and resit papers
4) July- submit dissertation (hard copy)

Wish me luck and pray for me k...hope everything ends well :)))

Happy Birthday Princess

Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday. I feel so guilty because she's far away from us and we can't celebrate her birthday. Xpe Sarah, nnti mommy belikan hadiah utk Sarag dr sini ye. Mainan masak2 yg Sarah suka tu k.

On my side, things are not good lately. My exam result is out already and I failed 3 papers with just 1 point. I'm a bit disappointed but I think I deserve it because I didn't study hard enough. And it's kind of a reminder from Allah s.w.t supaya sy xleka sgt kt sini. (sebenarnya rasa nk balik sgt2 dah ni...bukan best sgt pon duk sini).

Apa yg best kt sini so far is: Free newspaper every morning and afternoon, excellent public transport, health and education system...Itu saje. Oh ya one more thing I do really love is, there's NO CICAKS here!

Ok la, dah merapu meraban, PBL dan tajuk dissertation xdak lg ni (mati la aku...). For my little princess, Happy Birthday sayang, mommy loves you sooo much.

Anxiety

Whoah! It's March already...for the past weeks I've been busy with exam and classes. Mind you my class is everyday from 9-6. It drains my energy out by the end of the day.

Thinking of next week make me nervous (not so nervous actually). First, because my exam result will be ready next week and second because my Module 7 class will begin. Same as this week, everyday class 9-6 with big big names that gonna teach us. There's only 4 of us in the class. I like it but sometimes I feel down too. Seems like I'm the one with lowest IQ in my class.

Speaking about exam, which I don't feel nervous about, which is not a good sign. Because, selalunya kalau sy xrasa takut atau xrasa pape, I sense it's not gonna good. But....I'm hoping that it goes well. I wanna go back to my little sweet Sarah.

Rindu budak ni.

English education

I think my English has become worst. I can't speak fluently nowadays. Sometimes I can even say a word. This shows how time can get to you especially in language. You learn it for years, then when you didn't use it, it just gone with the wind. So pathetic. Argh, how can I improve myself? Anyone? Any suggestions?

What's done is done

Yeah, yesterday I sat for my Term 1 exam. 4 papers in a row...and...it's was horrendous. The problem is not with the papers but with me. If only I study hard and read by hard all the lecture notes and books, I MAY BE can answer the questions. I'm just hoping that I pass all the papers. No more distinction or merit day dreaming. Finger cross. Please pray for me too. *hugs*

Kasut Buaya

Current obsession, tapik mahal....jamu mata aje la kasut2 boye ni, tsk tsk -_-'

(pic: courtesy of crocs website)

Finale

Happy birthday to me, the 2 series finale, dah nk masuk usia 30an dah pun...Point to ponder, there's a lot of small things and event that happens in our everyday life that can change us to be a better Muslim, people can change when given a chance.

Love
WEWO

Rindu

I already miss my baby girl a lot...I mean a lot! I even sniff her clothes and pampers just to remember her odor. I miss you Sarah Damya. Terngiang2 di telinga mommy loceng kaki Sarah.

Just Do It!

If you want to do something, just do it now, or else it's going to be too late. The world will not stop & wait for you even for a second.

Ketabahan, kekuatan diri

Yup, the day finally come, my daughter is going back to Malaysia. Mommy ingt mommy kuat and tabah, tapi bila kemas2 beg, baju2 sarah, bila sarah renung mata mommy nk je mommy kenselkan hantar sarah blk. Tapi nk buat mcm mana, keadaan di sini xsesuai utk pembesaran sarah. Sarah kt Malaysia pon ramai org sayang. Mommy papa sygkan sarah. Nanti mommy belajar sgguh2 and habis cpt, boleh blk amek sarah, k syg.

Sarah duk umah nenek behave, jgn nakal2. Sarah kan anak cerdik juruh rajin mommy. Aaaa, sedeynye...in fact kemas beg pon xsiap lg ni, skrg pukul 12 lebih. Kul 5.30 jap lg da nk kena gerak g Gatwick airport da. Huhu, dah xde da peneman mommy mlm2, peneman tido mommy. Oh gosh!! I thought that I'm strong but I'm not. Sape xsyg anak wei, kandung 9 bulan usung ke hulu ke hilir. Org xdak hati je yg buang2 anak tu. Ok la gtg...kang marah plak papa beg xsiap kemas lg. :(

Beautiful reminder

Lazy bones

Bukak2 emel, ada request on one of the book that I borrowed from the library. I had the book for weeks and guess what I only managed to read a few pages of the book. I guess it's time for me to work that lazy bones of mine. Malam ni xtido menelaah dan esk pg2 dah kena hantar, hehe, pdhal dah overdue for 2 days. Ok, here's my resolution for 2012.

1) Nk jd lebih rajin dan rajin lg, supaya dpt pass my MSc courses successfully. I x aim high pon, cukup sekadar pass on first attempt, Insya Allah.

2) Jadi ibu yg baik dan isteri yg solehah. This year has given me so much reflection on myself. Ya Tuhan byknya dosaku tp nikmat mu melaut luasnya.

3) Manage my money well. Hutang byk weh...Need to prioritize between necessity and needs (eh betol ke)...

4) Yg ni penting ni, nk make effort to baca sebanyak mungkin buku yg ada. Nk berilmu kena byk membaca. Ilmu boleh dtg dr byk cara, one of it through membaca selain dr experience.

5) Plan bulan 7, byk berjalan luas pemandangan. So kena save up money from now.

6) Ok, dah sebulan 2012 berlalu, tp aku ni mcm xbuat pape, xbelajar pape, so it's time to move now, get up, and work it bebeh! Ameen.

Post ni peringatan utk diri sendiri. Sbb I found out if you write and say your goal clearly of what you wanted, it's kind of a way to make it happen. Mcm doa jugak lah kan. So positive vibes please come to me, negativity go away.

A Note To Myself #2

This is the path that I've chosen so stop whining about it.

How to become a CEO of your life with: focus, visualization, inspiration and reflection. (Prof. Dr.Muhaya)

A Note To Myself #1

Kita kurang membaca walhal kita punya banyak buku, untuk berilmu kita perlu banyak membaca.

What's happening to me?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been slacking around for days, haven't get out from my house for days too. I blame it on the weather and myself. First, it's cold to be outside of the house with the temperature reaching to minus something, secondly because of the kelawar life that we've adapted due to Sarah's sleeping pattern. Yeah, she sleep through the day and wide awake during the night. So do us.

It's not like we don't want to rearrange her sleeping pattern but she sleeps when she wants to sleep no matter what we do to her. And me waking at 11 or 12pm, seems losing half of my day just sleeping. Argh!!! I need to get my mojo back. My motivation and so on. Help! Help!

Neber sengal

Haa, ni tajuk mcm nk meroyan sikit kannn, mmg nk meroyan, meh nk citer. Rumah kitorg kt sini rumah flat, flat2 pon mahai dik non. Kalau kt mesia kira rate sewa banglo la bila dah convert. Ok, so kitorg ni duk rumah 1 bedroom tingkat atas sekali. Bawah kitorg ada 1 couple polish sewa. Bawah lagi opis lawyer kaf lam ya nga. Nak dijadikan citer, rumah kt sini lantainya kayu. So bila terhentak kaki kuat sikit ke, lompat ke dengar la rumah org bwh ni.

Sarah pulak suka melompat2 dan timing tido dia plak mmg out habis. Dia tido kul 4 pagi, so pukul 12 dan 1 pagi tu mmg time aktif dia. Tapi Sarah bukan la melompat 24-7 dan all the time. Kadang-kadang bila kitorg ada tetamu harus la terbising sikit. Sekali semalam si laki polish tu ketuk pintu kitorg dan sound kitorg kaw2 punya just because of bunyi footsteps. Ko nk aman tenteram sunyi sepi p duduk gua la bro. Mmg ba wau dal ha tahap cipan. Geram aku! Siap ugut2 nk report lg, konon2 tahap kesabaran dia dah maksima. Eh, helloooo time ko party mlm2 minggu pasang lagu kuat2 smpi lantai rumah den gegar2 ada gua bising??

Dia ada letak tilam dia kt laluan jln pintu masuk kt bwh. Nk amek gmbr, nk report agen ckp dorg mengganggu hall way dan bahaya jika berlaku kebakaran. Pirahhh, pi blahlah...ko tu immigrant ja, depa ingt kitorg ni org cikai2 dr bangla kut...(mahap la ya kalau terasa i kutuk pendatang...) sbb melampau, kalau polish tu equal to indon la kalu kt mesia. Sekian. Hahaha (evil laugh!!)

Promise

Saya janji mulai hari ini xkan membazir lagi!

Sekian.

(confessions of a shopaholic)

I'm sorry my love.

Bukan mommy x sayangkan Sarah

Tapi sbb mommy sygkan Sarah la

Mommy terpaksa buat keputusan mcm ni

Xlama sayang...just for a few months

Bila mommy dah berjaya nnti

Mommy balik ke pangkuan Sarah

Semua ni untuk masa depan Sarah juga

Maafkan mommy sayang...

Sebuah perjalanan

Peluang yg diberi dan perjalanan yg dilalui

Untuk melihat kembali

Kekurangan diri

Supaya dapat diperbaiki lagi

Untuk menjadi hamba-Nya yang taat

Semoga perjalanan ini diberkati...

It's time to reflect ourselves

Do not waste the time given

Hope that I can be a better Muslim

Berubah untuk kebaikan

The worldly matters doesn't affect me anymore...

Tiada apa yg mahu dikejar

Melainkan keredhaan Ilahi

Gurindam Jiwa

Tibe2 terngiang2 lagu ni, hati terasa rindu yg amat pd keluarga, sahabat handai semua

Tuai padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intai kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun selasih dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih talak tiada
Seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

Warkah buat sahabat

Sahabat

Di saat aku jauh, kau pergi jua meninggalkanku

Mungkin masaku akan tiba jua

Entah bila

Mungkin esok, lusa, atau mungkin hari ini

Aku memohon kemaafan darimu sahabat

Tiada lagi ungkapan 'Da 6ers' kita dulu

Kita berenam sahabat baik

Namun demi impian dan cita-cita masing2

Aku & posh ke MRSM, kau dan sahabat yg lain setia di MMP

namun persahabatan kita tetap utuh

Kita sama2 menjejakkan kaki ke asasi IIUM Seksyen 14, PJ

Kemudian sama-sama ke UIA Kuantan

Sesungguhnya aku mengagumi mu

Kau berjaya juga menjadi doktor

Masa terus berlalu

Masing2 sudah berkeluarga

Kita hanya dpt berjumpa jarang2 sekali

Masa Sarah lahir, kau dtg jenguk begitu juga semasa ayahandaku

dimasukkan ke wad...Oh sahabat, aku amat merinduimu...

Setelah 2 minggu kau berjuang

Hari 12.01.2012, ventilator akan dimatikan

Kau pergi di malam Jumaat yg mulia

Semoga kau tenang di sana, bersama org2 beriman

I'm gonna miss you love...

Kita bersahabat lillahi Taala, manisnya sebuah persahabatan itu.

Sahabat

Sahabat sejati sukar dicari dan ditukar ganti.

Here I am whining about how difficult to handle a toddler when we go out and how difficult it is to be in foreign country whereas one of my dearest friend is struggling between life and death.

I miss her. I feel so guilty for not being a good friend to her. I miss her wedding day and I sometimes took our friendship for granted.

Suddenly the bad news hit me. She's in coma. I never thought she's gonna go through all this. Oh sahabat, be strong. We are going to grow old together.

I keep our promise. I never tell anyone regarding your condition. I thought you're gonna be fine.

Sahabat, maafkanlah diri ini tidak dapat berada di sisimu ketika ini. Aku halalkan segala-galanya dan maafkan dirimu. I know you're a strong girl.

p/s: xleh nk teruskan dah, sebak yg amat, I still remember her laugh, her voice and everything. Dear Allah, selamatkanlah sahabatku...

2011 Recap

It's been months since I've updated my blog. It's not that I don't want to update but I'm being very very lazy lately. I haven't get out of my house for days...can you believe it??

2011 has been the year that I'll remember the most. Full with the ups and downs, the frustration, the anger, the joy and everything. Here's some quick recap of what's happening to me and around me since the last time I've updated this blog.

July 2011
1) On 15th July both me and my husband had to resigned from our work to fulfill the requirement for our scholarship.
2) Had to find other nursery for Sarah that is closer to home.
3) I had to gadai my barang kemas termasuk lah gelang hantaran I to survive and to meet our end month needs (i.e duit bayar kete, nursery, brg keperluan Sarah, prep for Ramadhan...) sound sad eh?
4) Last but not least, I applied to do my postgrad study in one of the local university. Xkisah lah belajar kt mana2 pon. Janji dapat Masters for the sake of our future and Sarah.

August 2011
1) Went to Kuantan early of the month to meet someone but the outcome was negative (again, frust nonggeng lagi sekali)
2) Went back to kelantan teman adik dan supaya belanja xbyk sbb dua2 dah xkeje.
3) Sarah went to new taska (looks like she hated it).
4) One fine morning if I'm not mistaken, it's on the 15th August, I saje2 cek ez-offer to further study (which we've been fighting for years...), and the first word that I saw is 'TAHNIAH'. I was like...Ya Allah, and cry on top of my lung for my hubby and couldn't believe that we finally made it. We've been offered to further our study to ....UK!!! Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted our wish. Berkat doa semua.
5) The result was actually came out like last week and nobody had informed us. If only I x cek, how?
6) I had only a week left to register myself and to settle everything, because my class actually had started on the 8th of August. So bermulalah episod kelam kabut, p wat visa and praying that the visa will be ready in 3 days!! Book flight ticket atas ihsan mak ayah, pinjam duit mak ayah lagi (malunyer!!)...sbb duit of kos la xdpt lg dan xtau bila dpt, and my luggage and kemas kain baju is done by my mom...
7) We've made decision that I had to go to London alone first, followed by my husband and Sarah will come later...A tough decision indeed! With no one that I know in London and whereto go about, I was kind of panic. Alhamdulillah, ada junior yg sudi menghulurkan bantuan dan sanggup tunggu kt Heathrow. Zana & Halimah thank you so much for your help. Tanpa korang xtau la K.mimi merempat di mana sesampai di uk.
8) So on the 21st August, I flew alone all by myself to uk. (pg nk bertolak tu semua bangun lambat, pastu angkut Sarah xmandi, mommy ingat lg muka anak mommy hantar mommy xmandi...isk isk).

September 2011
1) Cari rumah kt london ngan Halimah. Sgt2 mencabar dan merobek jiwa. So amek je la mana2 rumah yg ada. Mahal woo rumah kt sini, habes duit poketku tsk tsk.
2) Start kelas, hubby dtg on 26th Sept. Alhamdulillah.

October 2011
1) First guest smpi rumah kami, nije. Thanks sudi dtg rumah kami.
2) Bonjour and merci!

November 2011
1) Second guest, Ain and Adilah. Thanks guys. Pastu g melawat sifu Norsham di Cambridge.
2) Sarah datang!! Yeay, dengan rombongan Cik Kiah sekali.

December 2011
1) Had a blast family holiday. Olla and gracias!
2) Bertinju di Oxford Street. Ada insiden yg xdpt dilupakan. Thanks Nadiah and Sarah =)
3) End of December, dpt biter yg sedih, amat sedih dan memilukan hati tentang seorang sahabat baik saya. Sama2 kita doakan dia cepat sembuh.

And that's it, that's the recap of what's been around me for the past few months. Macam la ada org baca blog ni kan. Never mind, I've created this blog pon purposely for me, to build my confidence, dan mengasah utk menulis.

Hello 2012. Hope everything is gonna be smooth this 2012. Amin.