2011 Recap

It's been months since I've updated my blog. It's not that I don't want to update but I'm being very very lazy lately. I haven't get out of my house for days...can you believe it??

2011 has been the year that I'll remember the most. Full with the ups and downs, the frustration, the anger, the joy and everything. Here's some quick recap of what's happening to me and around me since the last time I've updated this blog.

July 2011
1) On 15th July both me and my husband had to resigned from our work to fulfill the requirement for our scholarship.
2) Had to find other nursery for Sarah that is closer to home.
3) I had to gadai my barang kemas termasuk lah gelang hantaran I to survive and to meet our end month needs (i.e duit bayar kete, nursery, brg keperluan Sarah, prep for Ramadhan...) sound sad eh?
4) Last but not least, I applied to do my postgrad study in one of the local university. Xkisah lah belajar kt mana2 pon. Janji dapat Masters for the sake of our future and Sarah.

August 2011
1) Went to Kuantan early of the month to meet someone but the outcome was negative (again, frust nonggeng lagi sekali)
2) Went back to kelantan teman adik dan supaya belanja xbyk sbb dua2 dah xkeje.
3) Sarah went to new taska (looks like she hated it).
4) One fine morning if I'm not mistaken, it's on the 15th August, I saje2 cek ez-offer to further study (which we've been fighting for years...), and the first word that I saw is 'TAHNIAH'. I was like...Ya Allah, and cry on top of my lung for my hubby and couldn't believe that we finally made it. We've been offered to further our study to ....UK!!! Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted our wish. Berkat doa semua.
5) The result was actually came out like last week and nobody had informed us. If only I x cek, how?
6) I had only a week left to register myself and to settle everything, because my class actually had started on the 8th of August. So bermulalah episod kelam kabut, p wat visa and praying that the visa will be ready in 3 days!! Book flight ticket atas ihsan mak ayah, pinjam duit mak ayah lagi (malunyer!!)...sbb duit of kos la xdpt lg dan xtau bila dpt, and my luggage and kemas kain baju is done by my mom...
7) We've made decision that I had to go to London alone first, followed by my husband and Sarah will come later...A tough decision indeed! With no one that I know in London and whereto go about, I was kind of panic. Alhamdulillah, ada junior yg sudi menghulurkan bantuan dan sanggup tunggu kt Heathrow. Zana & Halimah thank you so much for your help. Tanpa korang xtau la K.mimi merempat di mana sesampai di uk.
8) So on the 21st August, I flew alone all by myself to uk. (pg nk bertolak tu semua bangun lambat, pastu angkut Sarah xmandi, mommy ingat lg muka anak mommy hantar mommy xmandi...isk isk).

September 2011
1) Cari rumah kt london ngan Halimah. Sgt2 mencabar dan merobek jiwa. So amek je la mana2 rumah yg ada. Mahal woo rumah kt sini, habes duit poketku tsk tsk.
2) Start kelas, hubby dtg on 26th Sept. Alhamdulillah.

October 2011
1) First guest smpi rumah kami, nije. Thanks sudi dtg rumah kami.
2) Bonjour and merci!

November 2011
1) Second guest, Ain and Adilah. Thanks guys. Pastu g melawat sifu Norsham di Cambridge.
2) Sarah datang!! Yeay, dengan rombongan Cik Kiah sekali.

December 2011
1) Had a blast family holiday. Olla and gracias!
2) Bertinju di Oxford Street. Ada insiden yg xdpt dilupakan. Thanks Nadiah and Sarah =)
3) End of December, dpt biter yg sedih, amat sedih dan memilukan hati tentang seorang sahabat baik saya. Sama2 kita doakan dia cepat sembuh.

And that's it, that's the recap of what's been around me for the past few months. Macam la ada org baca blog ni kan. Never mind, I've created this blog pon purposely for me, to build my confidence, dan mengasah utk menulis.

Hello 2012. Hope everything is gonna be smooth this 2012. Amin.

This is all what is left after 3 years

Sedih hati melihat:

1) Perpecahan org Melayu hari ni, apa punca? mengapa? dan kenapa? Betol ke org Melayu malas? tepuk dada tanyalah diri sendiri

2) Baki akaun bank yg semakin susut...perlu mencari kerja secepat mungkin, kalau x, Sarah nk mkn ape nnti

3) En.somi yg stress dan risau pikir pendapatan keluarga yg menjunam ke kosong akhir bulan nnti

4) Ramadhan semakin menghampiri, mungkin smbut raya ala kadar saje

Ujian maha berat, kita rasa kita da cukup susah, tp ramai lg org kt luar sana yg lg ssh dr kita, ntah makan ntah belum, dpt makan pon syukur alhamdulillah...mungkin kita terlalu selesa atau xpernah rasa hidup ssh...hidup mesti terus, tabahlah wahai hati...

My breaking point

I thought that I'm strong enough to face all this but then I realize I'm not. I think for few times before I decided to jot everything down here. Yeap...people may attack me on my weaknesses but I believe so not everybody is perfect. I, now at the edge of a cliff and at the edge of my breaking point. I think that I just wanna jump off the cliff and never have to face this. It was hard. A very hard time indeed for my family. I feel so sad and broken heart.

First, both of us have to resign in order to complete the stupid document for TPM so that our names can be forwarded to MOHE (and basically we're jobless and money-less at the end of this month).

Secondly, we didn't have any savings at all....and how are we going to survive if let say they didn't allow us to further our study?

Nobody cares about us, what happened to us, what's going on with our study. Beruntunglah sape2 yg ada org sggup fightkan, pegi biasiswa utk pegi belajar. Kami? I suddenly think that, buat ape la aku susah2 pikir hal org, org xpenah pikir ssh senang kita, bila kita senang ada la menumpang, bila kita susah, kita dan keluarga kita j yg duk bwh jambatan...I can imagine, me, hubby and Sarah live under the bridge. Who knows...somebody has cursed me before just for a simple mistake that I've done.

And then, I got the news when the place that I dream of working since my undergrad life hired somebody else. I felt betrayed. But I didn't hold any grudge or bad feelings inside. It's all have been stated in our qada and qadar dan rezeki masing2. Seriously, I don't feel a thing rite now. Nak menangis pon xdak air mata dah pon. Tapi rasa sakit tu masih ada. I hereby declared, I've forgiven everybody and keep myself strong. Hopefully I will be strong now and forever. Ameen.

Orang 'jual ikan'

Orang jual ikan, kita pon kena jual ikan jugak la. Sbb org lain xkan pikir pasal masa depan kita, karier kita ataupun segalanya dlm alam pekerjaan ni, masing2 pikir diri sendiri, janji lepas b**t*t masing2. Tu yang jadi sedap2 je kata 'haaa....bg mimi la, mimi ja yg free, mimi ja yg xdak keje, mimi ja yg terperuk kt opis x g workshop, mimi ja yg x g blaja smpai bila2'....dan alasan mereka 'kitorg sebuk berkursus, kitorg sibuk cari tmpt nk PhD, dan sebagainya!!!'

Hello! saya pon sibuk, sibuk nk uruskan g blaja, sy da 3 tahun terperuk kt sini, org lain da boleh confirm sy duk sini lg. Apa la masalah korg ek xnk sgt tgk sy boleh smbung blaja??? sy kacau rumahtangga awk ke? periuk nasik awk ke? ada?? whatever la, sy pon nk JUAL IKAN jugak la ye...lantak la!

Perjuangan Yang Belum Selesai

Saya bukanlah nak menulis tenatang politik atau segala bagai yang berkaitan dengan politik. Saya bukan penyokong kerajaan mahupun pembangkang, cuma sy terpanggil untuk menulis memandangkan keadaan skrg semakin serius. Perhimpunan mahu dibuat dan kebanyakannya terdiri dari golongan sebaya saya yg menyokong. Apakah kita mahu menjadi seperti negara-negara luar yg berpecah antara satu sama lain hanya kerana kita diserang dari segi "war of perception"? Kita mula curiga kepada org2 sebangsa kita. Kenapa kita perlu berpecah sesama kita. Kenapa kita perlu menyokong individu tertentu hanya semata2 utk digunakan utk kepentingan individu tertentu? Kita cetek ilmu, membaca malas apatah lagi mahu memahami Perlembagaan negara. Kita hanya belajar Sejarah, semata2 mahu pass exam, isi, dan pengajaran langsung kita x ambil pusing. Tetapi kalut dan kecoh mahu bersorak ke sana sini. Untuk apa? apa yg kita dpt? membaling anggota keselamatan dgn batu? mencederakan mereka? kita pula dpt semburan air dan gas pemedih mata? SAMA-SAMA MELAYU? yang sama2 punya anak bini di rumah utk diberi makan?

Saya sayangkan negara dan bangsa saya. Saya kongsikan video di bawah ini untuk dikongsi bersama, fikirkanlah terutama generasi muda. Fikir secara rasional bukan emosi. Jangan kita jadi juara kampung, menang sorak kampung tergadai. Gadai maruah bangsa dan negara kita? Fikir-fikirkanlah...Sesunguhnya perjuangan kita belum selesai...Jika benar kita mahukan Negara Islam, berarak dan bergaduh sesama sendiri bukanlah caranya. Saya sedih. Wahai golongan muda, janganlah kamu abaikan hak mengundi kamu, jangan kita kata "argh...saya xsuka politik, sumer kotor, sbb tu sy xmengundi". Persepsi itu salah...Saya pernah berkata begitu juga pd diri sy. Tapi skrg sy sedar, sy perlu menggunakannya demi anak2 saya di masa depan. Kamu juga.

Khellleessss ko maria (tajuk pinjam)

Hahahaha...ayat di atas dipinjam dari kwn sy, Huda. Ape yg khelless nya?? yela...menipu xhengat, khellesss la tu. Orang da xnk...watpe la kita terhegeh2 lg. I think that's it la, biar la mereka dgn kaum kerabat mereka. Berkumpul la ramai2 kt sana. Aku? Bior la aku gagah sendiri kt sini.

Tapi memang epik la penipuan kali ni. Kata dan sebarkanlah citer palsu dan ape2 je nk citer. Sy ok jeww....hahaha and I will be. Xde grudge atau dendam pon. Sy hepi. Rezeki masing2. Sy teruskan cita2 sy walaupun jln sy xstraight mcm org lain, penuh liku. Tapi sy tetap akan kuatkan semangat dan teruskan perjuangan ini.

Last but not least, I'm done with the excuses and lies. Enough and I continue my own way and path. Thank you!

A little bit more

Don't give up just yet
Just a few more steps to go
Maybe it's just the mood today
That make me feel like it's over
That I have no other choices that I have left
Be strong
You can do it
It's all in the head
If you think you can do it
You do
I believe!